I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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