A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
