dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
