this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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