I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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