Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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