I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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