oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
