just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
