I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
