so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
