a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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