R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
