Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.