Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.