I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
