I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
