what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
