Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Are my feet made of real feet?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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