As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
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Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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