i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just found puke in my bra..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
