I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
