I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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