if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
