I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
