i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
