Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize