all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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