All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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