I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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