I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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