dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
