im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
