I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
did i just pee glitter
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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