please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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