ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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