So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
