theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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