Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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