Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
