I want to walk on stilts...naked
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
