I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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