I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
