you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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