turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
