i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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