Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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