I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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