I got chris browned last night
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize