i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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