just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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