They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We need a shit load of segways right now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
