Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
