I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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