You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
