yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
