I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
