We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
