i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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