I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize