What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
